I don't wanna make it. I just wanna ...

A Fan moved to action by LBD - Fan Fic (or idea for RL)

It’s fan fic, no this hasn’t happened but eh it’s an idea.

                Claire watched the show from the start, being ever faithful and waiting every Monday and Thursday (Wednesday and Friday for Maria, Lydia and Gigi’s vlogs) at 11:00 am (Central Standard Time) for Lizzie’s vlog to be up loaded and ready to play. At first, Claire would be on Wow or Tor talking to friends on TeamSpeak, but then DARCY came. That was the end of TeamSpeak for an hour, and her games. All of a sudden the 11:00 was the sacred hour. There was no contact with anyone while she watched Lizzie and it wasn’t overly being obsessed with it. No not by far, she did plug the show when she could. She joined Socially Awkward Darcy’s Facebook and tumblr. She had joined twitter for it as well to see the tweets going back and forth between the characters and even spoke about it when she found work.

                It was at that last episode that Claire clutched her thrift store purchased Darcy hat while wearing her short sleeved blue checked flannel and sighed deeply. Sure Claire had said good bye before to shows, people and even her own Mr. Darcy. But this show struck her as a life changer.

                Had she done what Lizzie did, left a message for her own Mr. Darcy known as Rick what would he have done? Rick by now was doing well for himself in a computer based company and had moved all over the country. From Claire’s knowledge Rick had landed himself a great position in Texas with Google. She did quietly watch from the pages of Facebook on how he was enjoying life having fun with friends and doing his thing.

                She’d sit and lament over the phone calls they had, the conversations and how when they were starting to get close life kind of put a fork in the road. Claire chose to do what she thought was best for her family, not herself. As Claire watched Lizzie and her sisters, reflecting on her own life due to that; she wondered if she should contact Rick.

                An email she had sent in October hadn’t been responded to. He hadn’t said anything to her on Facebook. At times Claire thought of just defriending him. She hadn’t wanted to live in the past; she wanted to start the friendship anew. They had both changed greatly. She was a stronger woman; she didn’t need to cling onto him or anyone. It was the pleasure of his company that she missed, and being she was the silly awkward girl that was once deeply and madly ‘in love with him’. How could she be anything else?

                If a good opinion once lost, is it lost forever? Was second or third chances really possible in real life? Would he think me some silly girl still in love with him or the more mature seasoned woman that wanted to be friends and longed for his ‘good council’ again? Why was it so much easier for men to rekindle friendships than women?

                Claire started to write a letter to him, trying to explain the past several years and how she had grown. How she convey to him that she had come to value his words, his thoughts and not from a gawking geek girl stand point, but from a geek woman appreciation for sound advice.  Staring at the screen she looked at Lizzie, she had watched her for a year. Sometimes it’s just about being who you are and reaching out; if they come to you then awesome if not then it’s really good bye.

Dear Rick,

                You might remember me, we had speech class together back in college. We became friends and then you moved. I wrote. You moved back we talked though life moved me in a way I shouldn’t have gone. I’m not the girl that one would remember; I’m a woman that regrets some choices I made. I do apologize for anything I’ve done or said that had made you feel comfortable due to my own lost sense of being.

                I’m writing to you today to say hello and I hope you’re doing great. I’m so happy for you in your move to Texas and how you’re doing so well in your job. I don’t want to pester you or have you think this is the same ‘girl’ you once knew. I’m not, and I have no delusions of fancy or flight that would our friendship. I would totally understand just being friends if nothing more which is completely understandable given where we live in and understanding that we might have different goals in life now.

                I miss your sound words of advice, your thoughtful and witty puns. I miss your council and the way you knew how to make me smile. My life has had its ups and downs; and I’m no longer the innocent damsel in distress. My thoughts have turned to you as someone I wanted back in my life to talk to again.

                Yes, I’m still a geek and yes I still play ‘games’ in the sense of computer games. I haven’t lost that geek sense of pop culture; my wits are still as sharp and I’m not clingy. Though I have to apologize for the clinginess; I blame my generation’s understanding of how girls should act around guys. It wasn’t my thing but well social norms kind of dictated that if you wanted to keep a guy around in your life well that’s how you do it. And yes, I know that the Scott ‘episode’ in my life was due to that yeah completely over that one now.

                Well the reason why I’m writing now, even though previous attempts have failed is I just want to chat? Ah, that is to say that I want to talk and see if we can vibe as friends again. I was inspired by this vlog I have been watching. I don’t know if you had seen the links on my Facebook about them, the Lizzie Bennet Dairies. Well yeah, and though as Lizzie tries to talk to Darcy I thought of you. Trying to talk to you again, you know seeing how things are going. Well … I hope … well I hope that it’s cool to write. If you want to write back that’s cool, or call my info is on my contact page. I just miss my friend if you write to me awesome, call super. If you ignore this well I understand and hope you have a good life.

Thank you for listening to me,

Best Wishes,

Claire